Bend your knees...but the other way



Yes it's everyone's faveourite pic,
me kissing a packaged piglet.
And yes it is real....but dead...
its guts are hanging out and
everything :)

 Well well well, look who's back.  I knew you would be.  You couldn't resist could you?  There's no shame in admitting it though.  Lots of interesting stuff to fulfill your brain with today.  Lets begin shall we?

Ok so first things first.  I got an email today back from that company that I had a phone interview with and they've asked me to have a second interview at their HQ in Oxford next week.  All good stuff...except the dressing up bit.  I suck at actually having to look really presentable.  I dont do smart...in terms of dress anyway.  But I've always been told to make a good first impression, so I think I'll do my Tony Blair impersonation to begin with.  Bound to go down a treat.  Speaking of dressing nice...I dont care what the hell Kate Middleton's going to wear to her wedding, as long as she doesnt leave Billy boy standing at the altar then thats all I care about...infact im not sure I even care that much about that either.  I just want the bank holiday.

So 2 days and 3 nights left to get 2 assignments finished, lovely.  But this stuff is boring the hell out of me, I mean you know its bad when you're sat counting the left over noodles remaining from last nights £1 Tesco value sweet chilli chicken noodle microwaveable meal...did I mention I'm a student?  News flash by the way.  I've decided to switch from doing my online shopping from The ASDA Man to The Tesco Man...sacrilege indeed but there are reasons for this.  Firstly, Mr ASDA wants to charge me £5.50 for delivery when they used to be £3.50 sometimes, this price no longer exists.  I didn't realise they were shipping from Benghazi, hence the increase. Sir Tesco however is hovering around £4.50 which is some improvement.  Secondly if you book with Lord ASDA after 10PM then you cant get it the next day, but i booked with Count Tesco at 2AM and he had it on the doorstep at 9AM.  Clearly the smart price staff members are incapable of bagging 30 items in 7 hours.  So Waltons, you've lost a customer there.  I expect a hearfelt apology soon. 

Another question I've been hearing a lot from you guys is "Dave, are you REALLY the largest producer of candles in Western Europe?" I know a lot of rumours have been circulating that the Belgian Army is better at it than me but this is simply untrue.  I can produce many-a-candle.  From scented (such as the refreshing 'Morning Breath Breeze' to the uplifting 'Eau du unflushed Toilette") I also produce wireless candles and flameless candles.  I'm thinking of bringing out a catalogue of my candles, it will be called Wick-ipedia.  Catchy no?

It's Red Nose Day!  The telethon is already on and I hope you've donated.  If not then either do so or get a bundle of cash, and rig some sort of king size ruler to fling the bundle towards Africa, if it doesn't reach then I'm sure some happy tramp will pick it up and take it to Africa for you...after expenses.  Giving money away to help others is aways good, like paying taxes, or putting into a Northern Rock bank account...which nowadays is technically the same as paying taxes...controversial.

So there we go my dear Bloggies.  Read over and over until your hearts content.  Feel free to browse the archive too if you want a refresh on what I've been doing.

Until next time, like an anti-semite in an auction house, i bid you adieu.

(Me and Lara in Hurn last year)

A great philosopher once wrote "Naughty Naughty"

Some fundraising fancy dress thing at Longsands. Good times

'tis Red Nose Day on Friday and I think we all know that theres a new cause that needs to be donated to now.  For all those who are confused, a Tsunami isnt what Newcastle United supporters refer to themselves as.  Its really bad, I dont think anybody could have seen it being this bad.  If you do wish to donate to the cause then 08450 53 53 53 is the number you need, alternatively visit http://www.redcross.org.uk/ I've already donated.

So yes more work blah blah blah, but its ok, i'm flicking between emotions of "uggggh so much work, so little time" and "ugggh so much time, too little to do."  Basically I really cant get into the work I need to do.  Don't know why.  I think maybe if I clean my room after work tonight it will help me be more constructive, I hate being in an untidy room.  After all they do say a happy room is a room that you're likely to do essays in...or something like that.  So yeah, I'll let you know how that goes. 

Sarah really wants me to grow my hair.  But I just dont think it suits me.  It wont stop me looking like a 12 year old, I'll just look like a 12 year old bassist from some crap band called...hmm whats a pathetic name for a band trying to be cool..."Loose Change". 

Right, so I know a lot of you have been thinking "Dave, you're such a great guy with so much potential and drive, yet how do you manage to remain so handsome?" well my dear readers I'll let you in on a little secret.  It's no secret lotion or potion, heck its not even Dove.  No, its a simple technique that I learned many years ago whilst on my travels with the Shaolin Monks.  They said to me "Master Honour, whilst you have taught us how to live our life amazingly well, we wish to tell you how to keep your awe inspiring good looks.  You must make a drink, this drink must be made from the meat of a female sheep, the blood of a sting-ed and wing-ed insect and infused together."  And that my friends is how i stumbled upon the secret of BeeEweTea.  Feel free to take my teachings and use them yourself.  Foot and mouth was a myth invented by mineself to save the stocks of sheep meat for my own use.

I am also reknowned for being the inventer of such things as; the zip, flapjacks, the apostrophe, Zimbabwe and Christianity.  Edison? Dyson? Gates? Pffft, they have nothing on me.  I'm currently constructing my latest invention, an auction website, where people buy things that others have by bidding higher than other people, it's only in development at the moment, but a little sneakpeak is that it will be called 'E-getotherpeoplesthingsbay"  Catchy no?

Well I know you all have an appetite for much more of Daves Delicacies, but for now you'll have to settle for some Honour d'œuvres.  Leave them wanting more, but dont go anorexic on me now, you can feast again in another few days.

Time flies when you're enlightening others, got to go Bloggeriffic Blog Bloggies.

(This video reminds me of the first time I saw my Sarah in the flesh, brilliant advert)

Planes, trains and brains...

First night out in Bournemouth during freshers.

Well it certainly has been a magnificant potato of a day toay.  Got so much done.  See that's my problem, when I work I can get a lot done, but it's having the initiative to actually START working that I lack often.

So I spent the day in Southampton Airport.  No I wasnt travelling to Islamabad, I was doing research.  For those of you who don't know, this was so I could carry out research for my 5,000 word mini dissertation.  Stupidly, I made this project much harder than it needed to be by choosing a bloody hard subject to research - Air Travel.  I might as well have chosen to research Muammar Gaddafi's views on shoelaces.  Anyway, I got to the airport around 1pm and actually found that people were so co-operative (brand placement there).  I got the majority of my research done in a few hours, just need to get a few more questionnaires filled out and then thats that part done dusted.

Once I'd finished, I headed back on the train to Bournemouth, although I was really tired so I thought I'd take a nap for 2 minutes.  Unfortunately I forgot that being asleep prevents me from checking the time.  So I opened my eyes and saw that we were in Bournemouth station, "Bejeezus!!" I exclaimed and rushed to the exit as it was closing, just missed it.  Fortunately the guard wrote on my ticket to let me get off at the next stop and come back for free.  What a nice chap he was...although he did sign my ticket 'A.Guard', not sure how credible that would have been if it was checked.

No I know that its not 1955, and there is no severe energy crisis, but I've found that a hot water bottle is surprisingly nice!  I mean...its awesome!  HEAT!!  Which is a rarety in this house.  So I'm delightfully comfortable and warm at the moment. 

Oh and can I point out that the news has been doing my head in lately.  Some of its been getting ridiculously stupid.  I really don't care about Mr Sheen (Charlie, not the wood polish).  All these news stories about him are getting so boring.  Front of every newspaper, except the Star and The Sport which still only ever rant about Katie Price and Peter Andre.  But who does care?  What difference does it make to us?  2.5 men was cancelled days ago, yet everything he does still makes the headlines and causes mass discussion, get a grip England. 

Bloody Census

So there we go, a delightful day of work, missing stops and complaining about rich quibblesnebs.  Hope everyone out there has had a good day too.  So, blggrffc blg blggis, I bid you farewell for now.  I'm off to free Tibet...the gorilla that I've kept captive.

Ciao

Oh and for those of you who remember, this is the montage I made back in September of our first few weeks in this house.  Enjoy...

Gits and Shiggles...

(Hospital after Ben dislocated his shoulder) Well hey there, hope you like the few changes I've made to the lay out of the blog. I got bored and I though this looked a little better.

I've also stopped the italics because SOMEONE complained...thank you Captain Charisma!

So work work and more work, that seems to be all I ever blog about, but that's pretty much all I've been up to. Not got much done today though as I've not been feeling great. Ho hum, moving on...


So I've been reminiscing lately about old times with old friends. I was thinking about 2 good friends of mine who are now at a different Uni who I spent most of my final few years at school with. We had some brilliant times together, notably making rubbish podcasts together in our spare time, we knew nobody else would listen but they made us laugh. I still have them all on my laptop and I listened to them today. Very funny guys. If you're reading, I salute you. Sadly we've moved on with our lives now and I havent seen them for at least 9 months and don't know when I'll see them again. But at least I have those podcasts to remember those times by.

Speaking of friends moving on, Ben has informed me that he's not going to be in this house much for the rest of the year, he's moved back to Barcelona, got a job and has a summer job lined up in America. Moreover he's thinking of changing University next year because he wants to do a course that BU doesnt offer. Good for him. I'm glad he's taken that initiative to move forward with his life. It does suck for me though because he's been a really good friend and someone that I cant replace. But I wish him all the best and hope he'll pop back soon.

Sarah's got herself a job in Yanksylvania, at a supermarket...hey dont make fun because I work in a supermarket...well kinda...more of a convenience store. But we're still "Gud with Fud" ;) The co-op has been getting interesting lately, people threatening to quit, others being disciplined and anxiety over mystery shoppers. JESUS CHRIST!!! ITS A BLOODY SHOP!! I don't understand why everyone is getting so up tight over it all, its a tiny shop yet everyone is so stressed about it all of the time, seriously get a grip and just get on with your work.

Went to the casino with Dave and Jon from work last night to spend Daves free bets, it wasnt really a successful night for any of us, but thats part and parcel of going to a casino. I feel sorry for that casino, they must hate taking peoples money, but i'm sure they're responsible and spend that money ethically....like Barclays. BAZOW!!

Right well im off to try and get some more work done if this headache doesnt kill me, I dont know why i've got it...maybe it has something to do with me pissing Ashley Cole off while on my work experience, massive bruise, started red, but now gone blue... you know what thats like dont you Fernando?

There you go, once again you must be left completely satisfied my bloggeriffic blog bloggies

Until next time...

Stephen Hawkings Football Boots....

(Me and Ben in Hurn last year...very good times)

I think I'm gunna start each blog now with a random picture.

Dont ask about the title,I called it that I just couldnt think of a better name.

So things have been....OK lately. Ups and downs. But overall I'm good. Been catching up with this uni work as well as I can but I'm still a bit behind. Need to get really stuck in one day and just go flat out trying to get as much done as possible, eliminating all distractions, no TV, no facebook, no food, no breathing, but maybe a little music. Speaking of music, I'm currently listening to Michael Jackson's "Thriller".... what ever happened to that guy anyway? hmm...

I had a phone interview yesterday with a company that I'm looking to work for next year for my placement. They're Borro.com, you may have seen a few of their ads on webistes. Basically they are the worlds largest online pawnbroker. People send them assets such as a car, jewellery, watches etc and they store that securely until you pay back the money that they lend you. If you dont then I'm afraid you're not seeing your Nissan Micra again. Which could be fortunate. Mind you I'd love a car right now because travel is costing me a bomb, rail fares are going up, fuel prices are increasing so the bus and coach fares are follwing suit. I mean I ramble to the yanks about how their country has so many things wrong with it, but if i could change something here then it would be the transport infrastructure. I mean they're all for us using mass transport to reduce CO2 emmisions but they just dont make it a good alternative when the prices are so high. Dericulous.

If I was David Cameron (with my little bitch Cleg) I'd do the following...

1. Get the hell outta afghanistan instantly. Every last British troop sent home. You want defence cuts? Then stop wasting your ammunition, arms, vehicles and other resources on a pointless war, not to mention the lives you're wasting. My aim would to just hire an Afghan dude to just walk around for a year and look for potential places where Osamy Boy could be hiding, then its simples...run in there with a backpack and blow the hell outta them. Taste of their own medicine me thinks, and a taste of their own blood.

2. Stop education cuts and tuition fee increase. Now my pet puppy Cleggy promised ya'll that this increase wouldnt happen, yet he layed down and let it whilst Cameron tickled his belly. BAD CLEGGY! This is ridiculous. I know a load of my friends have moaned at me for opposing it because it wont directly affect me. Maybe not directly, but later it might. As it stands we pay just over £3,000 a year which is paid back after we earn over £15k a year. Under the new scheme, you pay up to £9,000 a year which is paid back after you earn £21k a year. People say "well yeah its an increase, but i'll have to be earning more before i have to pay it back" fine, but what about those who dont reach that £21k a year goal, and those who leave the country? You've not only set the pay-back scheme harder on the governments pocket, but you've raised the amount that wont get paid back. Then we're in a higher deficit. But you just keep gnawing on that bone Cleggy.

3. Scrap APD. (Air Passenger Duty) This does my head in, and it's this sort of thing that will be the downfall of a beautiful town like Bournemouth. Air travel is going up and up, and we know what's going to suffer then dont we? The tourism industry, something that this town and many like it thrives upon. You want to help the economy? Then get more people over here to spend money in this country, you cant do that if you're charging people way too much to just get here. I personally think it could be a sly way of preventing emmigration out of here, "We'll hike the prices, so even if they can get out of here, they'll be penniless so they'll come crawling back."...maybe not quite like that. But the govenment has to start looking at things like the Tourism industry if shoreside towns like this are to continue to thrive as they have done in the last half a century.

4 Switch to AV. FPTP isnt fair and it isnt representative of the whole nation. I'm sorry, maybe AV isnt perfect but it's a damn sight better than FPTP. End of.

So there we go, thats my manifesto. If you agree then by all means vote...all you have to do is send £10 in a sealed envelope to my address and your vote will be lodged. For those of you wondering who I'll vote for in the next election. I'm completely neutral at the moment, I'm waiting for someone to show me an acutal reason to vote for them now, I want to see results, not false promises, flashy suits and Cleggy wagging his tail.

Controversial, but politics always is.

Hope i've got my keys because I'm blogged out....pun based comedy there...

Until next time bloggeriffic blog bloggies....

Happy Talk...

Right, enough moaning. Grumble grumble...I realise I've sounded a lot like how Alex Ferguson would sound if he ever lost his Wrigleys Extra. My apologies to those who are fed up of this...grumble grumble.

But no I've been a lot happier lately. I've gone back to Uni where my tutor has granted me some extensions on my work so I have a lot less stress from that. Nontheless I really need to pick up the pace on this work if im going to catch up. I've been working a lot at the co-op lately, more shifts = more money = more fatigue = more sleep = less work done = more stress = more food (for comfort) = less money = more shifts. Perfect cycle right? Thinking of selling that concept to the Tour de France. But I'm going to try and stay positive. If I can get this work done ASAP, then a huge chunk of that cycle is taken out...the brakes, now I can freewheel all I like. How's that for a philosophical pun eh?

And now an announcement: My fellow bloggers, I have not been entirely truthful with you. I recently expressed my desire to go to America during April to visit my girlfriend. Unfortunately this will not happen for a number of reasons; firstly I don't think i'll be able to get the money in time, I could ask to borrow some off people, but that's not fair. Whilst I know that I can pay it back, I wouldn't want that pressure. Secondly, I cant get the time off work, Easter means all the oldies get first dibs on holidays as they have kids, although my new shotgun and youth luring puppies will put an end to that... I'm kidding of course...probably. Finally I'd miss my Mum's birthday, something that has happened too many times now, be it because I've been in Spain, Russia or some other place. So I'm determined to get at least 2 days off work to get home for that.

Instead of going over there I've told my Sarah that I'll give her some money for her birthday to pay for a substancial chunk of her flights. It's only fair, she pays so much to get over here, and she's going to be my birthday present when she gets here in June. So thats my plan for now. Heck, only 104 days to wait...it's not long, infact I anticipate that fuel will only be £7.84 a litre by then. Yes that right, time is now no longer measured in days, but by the latest fuel prices. Satire.

There you go Bloggeriffic Blog Bloggies.

Hope thats a better one for you.

Recovery...

Hey all,

Sorry for being so miserable to everyone lately. Getting over Sarah's departure has taken more out of me than ever. I think about her so much everyday, but I'm now slowly learning to accept that I'm just going to have to get used to it now. After all if i didnt get used to her not being here then I wouldn't be so excited when she does get here again, her absence makes her presence all the more special.

So I've got back to uni and realised that I'm so far behind on some work. I was really worried, but I spoke to my tutor and thankfully he's granted me 2 weeks extensions on my assignments. That's a massive help, but I still need to make sure that I knuckle down and get the work done at the same rate that I would have had my Grandfather not passed away.

So I had an idea whilst I was moping about Sarah going, what if I went to visit her before she got back over here. My only opportunity would be through my easter break which is the first 3 weeks in April. I checked flights for a 2 weeks stay and its only around £400, which I think I could potentially achieve, but I need to concentrate and save save save in such little time. I wish someone could help me but I have no fairy god-mother sadly....jeez I sound so emo :p

I've gone back to work and asked for as many extra shifts as possible to help me get the money to see Sarah again ASAP. I have no idea whether or not this will go ahead or not yet but I hope to have an idea by the weekend. To those of you who care, I'll keep you posted on this blog.

To all my family and friends who have rang me and came up to me to check I'm ok, thank you so much for your support, I really really appreciate it. You've made me feel so much better. Thank You!

So my bloggeriffic blog bloggies...I know you'd love me to type more, but its late and I cba. :p

Back in Town...

Hey guys, sorry that I havent written for a while, it's been a pretty hectic week, travelling back and forth between Bournemouth and Cambridgeshire, attending my Grandfathers funeral and ofcourse preparing for Sarah's departure from here.

So we went back to Cambs last weekend but then headed back on Monday to sort a couple of things and see my 3rd housemate Ben who is back from Barcelona for a while, its been good seeing him, he makes this house a lot more entertaining, fun and lively. Once i got back I was faced with a £220 gas bill for us all to split, there was a bit of conflict between me and one of my housemates as he refused to pay the full amount, heck thats fine, but if he's going to be that pinnickty about it then I really couldnt care, he either pays up or spends the year living with people who really dont like him, which isnt that far from the truth already. I don't understand some people, they seem bent on making things as awkward as possible, they show little presence in your life, little worth, little meaning, but they can cause a lot of stress, anger and just plain annoyance in our lives. However, my view is that it is those who will be left alone in life, who people will avoid, who people will laugh about when then think about them later in life ... therefore I kind of pity them.

The funeral of anyone you know is never nice, but it can bring some good in different ways. Maybe I didnt word that right, it sounds quite horrible but the point i'm making is that it gave dozens of family members a chance to see each other again. I saw people in my family that I hadn't seen in over 10 years, I saw people that I had forgot even existed. There again I do have a huge family, but it was nice to see all my cousins again. Whilst repetitive it does feel good to explain to each one what my current life situation is. Then you find those who haven't done so much with their lives since I last saw them, hey nothing wrong with that, each to their own. Some like hard core techno, others prefere to slowdance through life. Sad to say goodbye to my Grandad though, I didn't get to see him as much as I would have liked before he died, he was bedridden for a good while, but as crap as an excuse as it sounds, RAIL TRAVEL is costing a bomb for me at the moment, £100 to get home in some cases, i just dont have that money. But I was there to commemorate his death with my family, I'm glad I got to be there for that.

Today is the second worst day of the last 2 months, tomorrow will be by far the worst. For those
who have heard me whining these last few weeks, you'll know that it's because my beautiful girlfriend Sarah is leaving to go back to America again. We're optimistic, hopefully she'll be back by June but we'll see. Me and her both know that we're going to break down in Heathrow airport tomorrow, it's going to kill me to see her walk through security and know that that will be the last few seconds I will actually see her physically for months. Considering she's been by my side every single day for 60 days, my life is going to seem so different without her here. I wont be able to ride a bus, cook dinner, watch a film or even fall asleep without thinking of her. It's going to feel very lonely for me for a while. But this day was always going to come, just came a little too fast for my liking.

But enough moaning. It's time that I looked forward on my life ahead rather than looking back on what I've had. These 2 months have been absolutely incredible and I have memories to last a lifetime. I know that I can live with the girl that I love and I intend to do so in the future. She's the thing thats made me happier than anything else in my life. I share everything with her, and I want to find new ways of making her happy. I'll start thinking of that the second she leaves.

I'm sure I'll end up writing a blubbery blog tomorrow when I'm in despair about her absence, but every day brings me closer to her again.

To all my family, thank you for you support and care, thank you for being the best family I could ask for.

To all my friends and co-workers, thank you for keeping me laughing and for making me feel like I have a really decent life.

To my beautiful Sarah, thank you for being the most amazing, beautiful, caring, sweet, loving and fun girlfriend in the world, thank you for being my best friend.

And to all my bloggeriffic blog bloggies....thank you for listening

Bad News...

Well guys and gals I was hoping to write you a new upbeat blog about whats been going on and what fun things i've been up to. Unfortunately late yesterday evening I received the unfortunate news that my Grandfather has passed away. It's a very sad time for me and my family, especially my Mum. Therefore I have decided to move my return back home to Cambridgeshire forward to either Wednesday or Thursday of this week to support my Mum. I've spoken to my University Tutor and will speak to those at work tomorrow so no problems arise due to my absence. I feel so terrible that all this has happened now, I feel bad for my beautiful Sarah too as I cant see us having too much to do until I know that everything will be ok with my family.

I'll see you all soon and hope you understand why I'm going home.

All the best my bloggeriffic blog bloggies.

Apologies...

To those who have started to keep up to date with my life through the blogosphere, I apologise for my lack of posts lately, i've just been so busy. Here's why...

Ok so last weekend I took my beautiful Sarah back to Cambridgeshire again to see my family and to go and watch the local pantomime (which I used to be in for 4 years), it was so good, but I really miss doing it, the thrill of making people laugh doing stupid things is much more exciting when on a stage. I met up with all the old cast and crew afterwards and I felt like a filmstar, they all came to say hi, asked how I was doing and said that they wished I could return. They put on a fantastic show and I just want to say well done, it was brilliant, plus Sarah loved it.

We got back and the week was pretty normal, although me and Sarah were planning to do something really magical for Valentines Day such as travelling to France for a few days but we've decided that its simply too expensive and there isnt enough time to plan it, so we're going to save the money and hopefully head back to Cambridgeshire again next weekend to see my family and also will hopefully be joined by my eldest sister Claire who now resides with my Dad in Spain. It's so strange how you can grow up with people, seeing them everyday of your life and not bat an eyelid, but once they leave home, you really look forward to the next time you see them. I love my family, they support me so well and I can have such a good time with them, I just hope that nothing will ever come between me and my family.

So Sarah and I have been getting upset a lot lately because we know we're on the back nine of her time here, 2 months will soon be up and i'll be sat with her on that coach to Heathrow again soon, it's going to kill me. I'm so used to waking up next to her every morning now, holding her hand when walking to the shop and coming home after work to a huge hug. I was so upset last time she left and that was after only 2 weeks of being together, Christ knows how I will be this time...(strike that...Christ knows bugger all because he is dead and has no supernatural powers, contrary to what some vastly edited book may have millions of idiots believe). But I keep reminding her that once she leaves then the process begins again, getting her over here.

On the topic of false beliefs, there are those out there who believe that if they do wrong then they simply have to bide their time and just wait for things to 'blow over' and will never issue an apology. To those people i say thats fine, but done expect anything from me, if you act unjustly towards me and you are fully aware that you have then unless you apologise and actually attempt to make amens then you can forget any tie with me. It makes you a much stronger person to apologise than to do nothing, strength or lazyness - your choice.

Didnt want to be nagging with negativity but I'm just fed up of these kind of people bullying others into thinking its their way or no way. Democracy lives, so does justice, reason and honesty, lets try and enforce it.

Right, quite a long blog I know, but im making up for the past week of absence. So until next time bloggeriffic blog bloggies....