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11 Apr 2011

The skin of a camel is not to be tampered with

Letting girls put make-up on my face doesnt help my
"I'm not gay" campaign.  Still...I look pretty
Hello my little blog bunnies!  What's that?  You want a new blog or you'll kill a leopard?  Well fine, here's a blog for you.  'Tis Monday evening afterall.  But dont think that you can boss me about into doing just about anything for you, i'm still refusing to fulfil your wish of inventing a supersonic goose, it's just not needed!  Cool, but not needed.  Give it a millenium or two.

So I'm still at home in Cambridgeshire as I have been since Friday.  Has been a tickle of delight to see my Mum for her birthday and spend time with the fam.  I will say though, got an email from my landlord today saying that they inspected our house without our permission.  Cheeky so and so.  Thats ridiculous.  Sure she owns the place, but i'm pretty sure that the decent thing to do would be to make sure that we are fully aware that they will be visiting.  Instead, they snuck in and snooped around like some sort of private panther, digging through our stuff to find problems with the house.  I tell you, I cant wait until I'm outta that house, nobody else seems to have these problems with their landlords.  What if i'd been shearing a cat?  eh?  Landlord them comes sauntering in and "THIS HOUSE IS A STATE!"...well yes!  I'm shearing a cat!  It's gunna be messy!  Come round when I'm randomly hosting a housekeeping class and THEN comment.  Muppets.

If another person I pass in the street asks me "Excuse me, but are you Persian?" then I will get very angry.  Not only have I never been to Persia, but I signed a petition against people having their ethnicity mistaken.  It's WRONG!  If you're a tiny elf from Istanbul, you expect to be treated as such.  Get it sorted.  Speaking of getting things sorted, I've been arranging my collection of collections.  It's all alphabetised from my collection of Abstract darts to my collection of dissolvable phone chargers.  They all mean a hell of a lot to me, not to mention, I am of course the holder of the largest collection of elastic toothbrushes, designed for people with teeth that go all the way down their throats.  A rarity, but I'm sure someone will need them, and then who's the one with the worlds supply?  Me, and who's the one thats gunna stop you getting throat decay?  Me.  Not so stupid after all eh?

They say, the pen is mightier than the sword.  But then, actions speak louder than words...so what the hell is right!?  My theory is to stab someone and see if them shouting "OUCH THAT BLOODY HURT" causes you to die before them.  Simple experiment, but one that will undoubtedly end all discussion.  Speaking of stabbing, I'll find out this week if i'll be living in London or Oxford next year.  Fingers crossed for Oxford, nothing much against London, I just was amazed by Oxford.  Also, Oxford is nearer the centre of England and will be a perfct place to unleash my race of super tramps, they will beg, they will plead, they will play the piano for money...once they can afford to buy a piano.  They will fill every seat on the tube until you pay them to get up, they will stand on every step of every escalator in every mall, just going up and down again, until you pay them to make room for you, then the money will all come back to me.  I will then pay my tramps with smiles...and saw dust.  I'll be richer than triple dark chocolate whipped cream on a bed of syrup and a side of cardiac arrest.

Many people have come to me lately saying that they read my blog, thank you guys.  Can't see this ending any time soon so dont you fret.  But tell your friends, and your enemies because they'll probably like it too.  But it's time to give Saddam his dinner, so I'll feed Husein....work it out.

Bye Bloggies!!!

Gotta love this

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