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5 Apr 2011

Don't you think you might have ADHD?

Yes our faces say it all, Lick, Stroke, Garlic, Bread. 
If you don't get it, chances are you are normal.
Let me sleep!  I'm bloody tired!  Yes I know it's a day later but I am shattered.  But noo, you guys have been complaining that there is no Monday night blog, so I'm doing it ok?  It's here!  Bloody ungrateful so and so's, you get this amazing comedy service for free you know?  Ugh...

Right, so the reason I'm so tired is because I was up all of Sunday night after work finishing my essay.  No, I didnt sleep at all until after I'd handed it in at 10am.  So I've been recovering.  Have sympathy please, your favourite muppet is suffering.  I've noticed a worrying increase in the amount of people purchasing long-life UHT milk at the co-op.  One can only take a stab at what they're planning....to make the biggest omelette in the world.  But this wont be just any old omelette, it wont be wholesome and delicious.  No, it will be evil, arrogant and very very right-wing.  We cannot allow this to happen, so I need you guys to go out and buy some of my new comedy clothing range as we all know that omelettes have no sense of humour.  Alternatively, give me the money and I'll sort it all out from my new house in Ibiza.  Speaking of Ibiza, what ever happened to the Vengaboys?  Hope they're ok...

"NONSENSE!! GIBBERISH!! PATHETIC FILTH!!"  No, I'm not thinking up names for my child (who will be called Bert) No, that was what the Daily Mail called my new book 'The life of Adolf Hitler - From Fuhrer to Silly Billy" it was just a few transcripts from my days of being Addy's campaign manager.  The swastika?  My idea.  It was originally meant to be a little secret sign between me and the Adster which we'd show to each other if we were thinking about an amusing joke about a turtle.  It rarely happened so we expanded its use.  It caught on which is good; flags, tatoos, badges, even some went as far as having them engraved onto engagement rings and on the front of millions of baby birth cards "It's a boy!...but its a Jew, hard luck."  These were usually delivered shortly before a "Sorry about your loss" card arrived days later.  Hey we may have been cruel, but Adsky was amazing, he was like a father to me, he made world class gazpacho soup with his world class Gestapo.  And of course, Hitler coined his famous phrase "When the going gets tough, the tough gets Göring".  Hysterically Historical.

So enough about the Nazis, or the BNP as they're known now.  My fellow sapiens, I urge you to read more.  I've noticed a surprising decline in the amount of people reading.  Train carriages are becoming a place of chatter, oak trees are no longer being sat against, airport terminals are being bombed, and libraries are being closed down...I assume because of a lack of readers...or is this your doing Cameron?...Topical.  No but I mean it, we've stepped on our bookworms and made our geeks cool.  A staggering 99.7% of people who read regularly are aged 70+ and have been on the same page for 10 years because they've forgotton what they've just read every few lines.  I dont mean to offend old people, doensn't matter though, they're not likely to be reading this are they, and if they are then they'll have forgotten what I just said soon.  That's something we all have to look forward to..happy days :)

Just wanted to say thank you to all those who have said such nice things about my blog.  It's now reached its 11th country and more and more people are reading.  If you have any comments then leave them at the bottom of the posts if you have a blogger account, if not then message me on facebook chums!

Well enough Gibberish, which is an actual dialect from Gibraltar...along with Gibba Jabba.  I'll be heading home on Friday for a few days.  I have my new interview in London on Thursday remember, I'm sure you all wish me luck.  I'm not sure if i'll get a blog out on Friday night, but i'll make up for it if not.  So like an expired piece of meat...I'm off.

This is from our second Hall Wars, I appear too many times.  HURN!!

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