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15 Apr 2011

Pony action!!!

The night before Tripoli...
Hey you, with the glue in your hair.  How are you?  Been busy?  I haven't, but since when has that ever stopped me writing an award winning blog....ok maybe not award winning but who wants awards anyway?  You cant use them for anything, except an expensive paperweight.  The point is that this blog is viewed across 5 continents in countries such as China, Singapore, Hungary, Norway, Bahrain, South Africa etc.  This blog has travelled more than the people reading it, I don't know how it gets the money to do it.

Soooo.  Was hoping to tell you where I'd be living next year by today, but haven't found out yet.  Soon hopefully.  Going to start looking at places to live as soon as I know, was thinking along the lines of a house-boat, but permanantly moored...miles inland so that people will think that I'm preparing for a massive flood...Noah style...and then everyone will flee!  Maybe I'll then get a raise for taking on everyone elses jobs...and for innovation.  Worth a try....right?

Why does post take so long to get to places?!  Its a letter, a small letter.  I pay you, you take it, you put it in car, you tell Nathaniel (or "Natty) to drive it to the neuuuurrrrn neurrrrn (plane sound) so he does, you tell him to give it to Captain Fedex and he does his plane thing all the way to the other country then hand delivers it to where I want it to go...thats how it works!  But no, this usually takes a week at least and sometimes never even arrives.  The postal depot must essentially be a kind of Deal or No Deal type scenario, with crafty posties opening everyones sealed boxes and parcels, hoping to find money.  It's fine until they open the one made by a Yemeni terrorist....*ring ring* its the banker...."you've lost your limbs....muppet".  Take that Postman Pat, and Meg...don't think just because you're his cat that you can get away with it, oohhh no!  It's the acidic litter tray for you. 

Went into town yesterday and did some grocery shopping at Associated Dairies (or ASDA to you youngens, or Wal-Mart to you Yanks) and  I went into the in-store Macdonalds.  I was served by a guy called (no word of a lie) Simba...he was a delightful fellow...but as I left with my food I did give him some brilliant advice "watch out for your Uncle".  He looked confused.

Anwyay, so I went dashing through the Aisles which were chocked full of countless goods at ridculously low-low prices.  The last thing I picked up was a 4pack of beer, you know, for the dogs water bowl.  I went to pay at the self service checkout (which is nonsense, because never have I done that without needing one of those assistance fairies floating around to sort the bloody machine out)  anyway so I scan my beer and it wants approval that I'm old enough to buy it.  The fairy floats over, 'Steven'.  He looks at the basket and said "Thats the problem, the beer".  I said "Yes, can you approve it for me please?"  He then laughed in my face and said "No mate, you cant buy that, you've got to be 18"  at which point my fun starts.   "Ahhahahahaha!  I see, silly me (yes I did do this) here's me thinking i was 18 when I'm 19 and nearly 20.  What am I like?"  he didn't seem impressed and said "Well where's your ID?"  I then pointed out that I'd been holding it out to him the whole time.  Still not convinced that I was old enough, the old boy says "Well to me you look younger than this so i'll have to call my supervisor over"  so in kind I said "Yes please do, maybe they have a clue what the hell they're doing"  Then the supervisor came and looked at my ID and said "yeah that's fine"  I smiled sweetly at Steven in a Billy Gloat fashion and walked off with my beer.  If he was a bunny, he wouldn't be a happy one.  Idiot.

Just checked my email again and still no response for where I'll be living yet, hopefully will have the answer for you by Monday.  Stay strong in anticipation my chums.  But like an investigation into a death at Sea World, Seal Ate Her.

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