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8 Apr 2011

I think we can all agree, Santa isn't Islamic

Student Traffic with my fellow Hurnies last year.
Ahh, surprised you didn't I.  Bet you didn't think you'd be waking up today to see this blog but alas here it is.  I'm travelling back home to Cambridgeshire today and I'm actually typing this whilst sat on my coach, I'm the only one on it...aside from the driver, but law dictates that I shalt not distract his attention whilst the vehicle is in motion.  Thank god we're in a traffic jam, I'm doing a puzzle with him, it makes up a picture of a happy zebra, but shhh, he doesn't know that yet.  Tee hee!

So Dave, why are you leaving your beloved Btown?  The place that will one day honour you with unlimited permission to raise a swarm of friendly bees anywhere you like?  Well dear readers, it is my Mum's birthday, so I'm heading back with my sister today and will be back in Cambridgeshire for 5 days.  Now....oh come on, don't cry.  No it's fine, put down the rope, it's not worth it.  I'll be back on Tuesday my chums, calm your nobbly knees down!  However, whilst I'm away, I would thank you to not go to my house in a hope that you can rummage through my room for valuable Honourabilia, you wont.  It's currently being hired out by the council to be used as excess landfill space, hence the mess...nothing I can do.

I know what you're thinking, "but Dave, with you ot of town, who will look after the co-op?!"  Calm down dear.  I've appointed Stephen Hawking to watch over it in my stead.  He's a good worker, knows his way around the cosmos...and the aisles, he deterrs shoplifters by attaching a javelin to the front of his go-kart chair thingy, he's good at communicating with customers with his warm velvety voice, and he's always gives service with a smile.  He's already told me that asking customers for their membership cards is much more of a thrill than looking into the theory of multiple dimensions.  I will say this though, he's very slow at bagging.   I think I've been controvercial enough there...

I've been thinking, if we all got together and pooled a lot of money to make the world a better place, I'll buy the gun to kill Cameron.  Ok maybe not kill, but I will shoot him in the leg, lets see how much he wants to cut the NHS then, and whilst you're in your wheelchair, you'll see how your access ramps lead into empty pits of despair where libraries used to be.  That's alright though because you dont need to worry about education, you're a politician.  When I'm Prime Minister, I'll make sure that parks will have more ducks in them, and Sunderland is sliced off from this island and allowed to drift over to Japan, to absorb any future tsunamis, they wont care, it rains enough there as it is.  Now doesn't that sound like a much better alternative to the ConserviCrats we have now.  I'll also aim to build a new giant fish for the whole world to enjoy, all part of my mission to make the Earth a better plaice...pun there.

So there you go, my first blog in transit.  Worship me all you like.  But like when you turn to dog food when you're out of money, it's Chow for now.

Moo :)

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