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28 May 2011

You smell like an oven

Nothing humiliating about Panto :p
I'm sorry, don't hate me for being late with this blog yet again.  Just been busy with revision, work and other concerns, but I'll try and get it all back on track ASAP.  Hope you like the picture by the way.  Thats from my fourth year of panto, amazing times.  I wasn't dressed as a girl for the whole thing, I was acting undercover to try and kidnap some kids from a school...quite an awful plotline when you think about it.  Not to mention that this particular panto was Robin Hood, but I don't recall such an act taking place in that story.  I was nominated for a golden globe for my awe inspiring performance but was unfortunately beaten by bloody De Niro again!

So, lets get blogging.  Can I firstly start by referring to the title of this blog which for once isn't just a random line constructed by my brain, this was something that my little neice actually once said to me, kids say the darndest and quite insulting things.  Finished my last exam yesterday which means one thing IVE FINISHED MY SECOND YEAR OF UNI! Which means I'm halfway done.  Now for 1 year of work, it's gone so fast!  I'm going home for a few days to get away from this town of work work work for me.  This place is amazing but the people here are weird as hell.  For example, I went into town today and because I'm a loser I sat alone in a coffee shop, 2 business men sat at the table next to me.  They could have discussed financial forecasts, advertising revenue or even that cute little red head from accounting and I wouldn't have minded.  But just as I'm sipping on my americano I hear "...and of course its been dreadful, my wife has had pneumonia which wasn't great, and I had piles...so not the best week"  oh lovely, yeah you just yabber to your colleague about your medical history whilst I start to convulse trying to drink my java.  Inconsiderate man who sits on his chair strangely.

It's my sisters birthday on Monday, shes 4 years older than me and has been for as long as I can remember.  Bloody hard searching for a present though, her interests are dolphins, nursing, travelling and Christianity.  Hard to combine all 4, and after weeks of searching and nearly giving up, I found the perfect present in town.  It's one of those experience gifts.  I've paid for her to travel to Taiwan where she can nurse a decapitated dolphin whilst walking on water.  Pretty expensive, but I splashed out as a very geneous man called Egumbi from Nigeria has incredibly offered to give me millions of pounds and all I had to do was give him my bank details so that he could transfer the funds!  So flattered that he chose me, must be this blog.  Surprising though as it hasn't exactly been a hit in Africa yet, only one country so far, but you guys can help.  Instead of donating food, water and resources for sustainable farming, why not donate a laptop?  Give them the chance to order their aid from Amazon and Ebay. 

Cheryl Cole...my dream girl, has been axed from the X Factor in America.  Allegedly because they can't understand her Geordie accent.  It's not THAT hard.  I consider myself half Geordie on my fathers side and I absolutely love Newcastle.  But what's confusing about it?  I took my own little yank to Newcastle last summer and the only thing that confused her was watching a gay man mince past us singing "Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down" but I just explained that LSD is a hell of a drug.  Every place has its downfalls though, think about it.  Heres a list of places and their downfalls...
  1. London, England - Trying to turn 360 degrees without having you face slashed and your shoes stolen
  2. Cardiff, Wales - Referring to a microwave as a "Popty Ping" (colloquially)
  3. Paris, France - Knowing that the Germans beat the crap outta you.
  4. Berlin, Germany - Knowing that the world still kinda hates you.
  5. Tokyo, Japan - Being the most technologically advanced whilst still not knowing how to cook fish.
  6. Tripoli, Libya - The weather
Just a few there, could probably mention more but I could potentially border on the xenophobic if I wasn't careful.  The only place excempt from any fault is without a doubt the Swedish, they have it easy, in the words of Alan Partridge, "they get up in the morning, have a bowl of swede, hop in the Volvo, play some Abba and drive to IKEA" easy.

Right so to make up for my failure to post a blog on Monday, I've made video for you that shows some of the inside of my room, lucky.  Don't say I don't do anything for you.  Enjoy Blurg Bliffers!!

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