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10 May 2011

Come on dude I've got tiger blood

Last day of school...some pretty cool peeps in there
and of course...some that I'd rather not mention :p

Ahh, back from Cairo are we?  Well tell me all about it...*yawwn*...I'm bored...be quiet and let me speak.  Infact, let me preach.  Brothers and Sisters of the blogosphere!  I come to you today with a message from OUR Lord, for he has told me to tell you "get off your lazy ass and submit £10 to my heavenly office in Croyden ASAP" Simple really.  I mean come on, all Gods need money, they can do ANYTHING they like, but they still need our money.  Silly.

Ok so I've been planning my tour of Europe with the band to go see our thousands of fans.  Well...I say tour, I mean flight, I say Europe, I mean specifically Malaga in Spain, I say band, I mean me and Sarah and by thousands of fans I mean my Dad and his dog Dougal......(and the rest of my family of course).  Stupid airlines like Ryanair are making it bloody hard though. So called 'Low-cost' when it costs....well...MORE than low!  Thats not low at all is it?!  I mean what is their problem?!  I tell you what...I'm gunna gunna screw Ryanair over.  All I need is a couple of Jehovas witnesses to stand by the door of every Ryanair aircraft.  Firstly, nobody likes these creatures and will want to be as far away from them as possible, secondly, nobody wants people praying for them before they fly...suggests something bad might happen, like a collision with an angry cloud.  "GET OUTTA MY AIR!" it will shout, and then the plane will be all like "But....I need to fly through you"  and then cumulofurious will be like "You do that and I'll follow and stalk all of those baby planes that fly about"  and then you're faced with a stratuspeadophilius flock of clouds....bad times!

I got a very grumpy customer come to my till at the co-op today.  She had a big basket load of shopping and asked for a bottle of Smirnoff.  I calmly told her we were out of stock and she went all Navy Seal Geronimo on me (sorry to any Native American bloggies out there).  She dumped her basket on the till and said "This is stupid, you have no lemonade and now no Smirnoff?!"  at which point she stormed out.  Kinda stupid, because we DID have lemonade, one bottle was actually IN her basket...how she didn't realise I'll never know.  Heaven knows what would happen if next time she's at a petrol station and they're out of extra strong mints!  I'd expect her to go out and punch a badger or something...such rage.  People are silly.  Some will complain about absolutely anything just for the thrill of it.  "Your store is too hot" or "This air freshener doesn't make my house smell like a summer meadow" or "Your ear is bleeding too much"  go away you people who campaign to complain. 

Its bloody 2:30am and theres birds already chirping or 'singing'.  Singing?!  Really?  When was the last time you had an album by The Sheryl Crows or The Kaiser Chirps hit the charts?  Stupid.  Why are they awake?!  It's not as if they have a lot to get started on for the next day is it?  Birds do bugger all, they sit, they do that weird flap thing while walking about for no reason, they build nests outta twigs when the rest of us toil with heavy bricks and they go to the toilet wherever they darn well please.  Not a hard life is it.  Moreover, here's me forking out a couple of hundred quid for plane tickets, but birds?  Oh no, we'll just fly south when it gets chilly.  No tax on their flights, no full body and wing scanners at the nestport and no stupid stewardostrich to bug you into paying too much for tea.  Birds should get the same treatment as us.  That's why, tomorrow I'm going to find the nearest tree and slap a kestrel in the face...which I shall do each and everyday until they come down from there and pay their National Insurance like the rest of us. 

So here's a video made a few months ago, was just for fun but I kinda like it.  Apologies for the girl sat next to me, it's quite hard to understand what she's saying....she's American though.  Peace out Blig Blacs!

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